Will you look about? Open your eyes!
The city gleams gold in rainy light,
dazzling like donuts dunked in heavy cream,
and polka-dotted with rainbow sprinkles!
Carry on, upon the cement, skipping around the cracks
that cleave like spiderwebs upon your backbone!
Revel in your little-boy lust, the wanderlust that sets you
flying with dusty gravel in your wake!
Shame the land you run on, too scared to keep it's own pace,
turning it's paltry 1,000 mph, sea salt and crusty wind
scouring the pores of your face clean, washing you clean,
the dirt and grime of years of life dissolved to a beautiful, blank canvas;
Paint your expression as manic delight, flowering teeth
gleaming white, as steam rises delicately from your open mouth,
shouting challenges at seagulls who dare defy gravity while your own legs
churn up the earth like iron-pumping pistons!
Overtake the receding waves, spurred by Luna's pull,
thrust your arms into her white foam and pull up the hair of her soil,
lanky and green between your grasping, infant fingers,
laden with weighty strands of the ocean's inky depths,
Bury your face in the mirror surface, break the calm smoothness of glass,
shattering it's shards like seventy mirrors in seventy halls thrown to the floor
by every angry owner's king. Become the ruling body, adorn your head with sand,
and flow outward with the water to every corner of the bright, golden city.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Cold Cereal and Hot Coffee
My body hates me.
Getting up at 4:30 a.m. is no way for me to start a day. Of course, going to bed at 10:30 p.m. after homemade calzone, salad and several glasses of wine is no way to turn in. Thank God for singing Journey in the shower, or else I wouldn't have had any fun.
I've decided to get myself full-time on the acting track. I'll quit my job in a couple of months, after saving an assload of money and getting some backup plans in gear. Another break from theater is what I need to get my life in order again. Acting, modeling, music and yoga need to be my goals. I've never let myself be completely consumed by my passion. I've been a weekend warrior too long, and need to give it a shot.
My hat's off to you, destiny. Here's a shot of milk and raisin bran for the occasion *slurp*.
Getting up at 4:30 a.m. is no way for me to start a day. Of course, going to bed at 10:30 p.m. after homemade calzone, salad and several glasses of wine is no way to turn in. Thank God for singing Journey in the shower, or else I wouldn't have had any fun.
I've decided to get myself full-time on the acting track. I'll quit my job in a couple of months, after saving an assload of money and getting some backup plans in gear. Another break from theater is what I need to get my life in order again. Acting, modeling, music and yoga need to be my goals. I've never let myself be completely consumed by my passion. I've been a weekend warrior too long, and need to give it a shot.
My hat's off to you, destiny. Here's a shot of milk and raisin bran for the occasion *slurp*.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Ten Tenants
1) Let whatever happens happen, whenever it happens. Then deal with it.
2) Cynicism is a buffer for the pain of being hurt, not an excuse to cut yourself off.
3) Make the best of a situation without letting circumstances compromise your standards.
4) Soar to great heights, but remember to land. And please, hit the ground with both feet running.
5) Go out of your way to meet new people and have new experiences.
6) Family should never dictate who you are; rather, they should be the ones who accept you regardless of who you become.
7) Defy everything once, to see what needs to be continuously fought.
8) Your clothes are your skin. They are one of the first things to creat an instantaneous impression by which you will be judged.
9) Go with the flow. Blend in when you need to, stand out when you can.
10) You are enough.
2) Cynicism is a buffer for the pain of being hurt, not an excuse to cut yourself off.
3) Make the best of a situation without letting circumstances compromise your standards.
4) Soar to great heights, but remember to land. And please, hit the ground with both feet running.
5) Go out of your way to meet new people and have new experiences.
6) Family should never dictate who you are; rather, they should be the ones who accept you regardless of who you become.
7) Defy everything once, to see what needs to be continuously fought.
8) Your clothes are your skin. They are one of the first things to creat an instantaneous impression by which you will be judged.
9) Go with the flow. Blend in when you need to, stand out when you can.
10) You are enough.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Everyone's Favorite Subject...(Tuesday, June 19th, 2007)
...other people.
Funny that now that I'm free to do whatever I wish, I see other people as nothing more than expressions of desire, greed, lust, or excessive needs. Can't determine how much of this is being caused by my own sense of elitism or if I'm just now allowing reality to sink it.
I think it's funny how two closely connected people can lose what they have over these expressions. I think it's difficult when lust becomes entwined with intimacy. Problem is, I think many people believe lust negates anything else involved with said intimacy, when in fact lust born of intimacy is the best, most fantastic, true and gentle manifestation of sexual desire on the planet.
I can't help but hate you. Thank you for just being another woman who destroyed a wonderful thing in my life. I hope I don't meet many more of you, but with each encounter I begin to suspect the integrity of people is the most subject to change. I'm not letting you get off easy. You've gotten that too often from others in your life and it's about damn time someone held you accountable.
Not that it will make any difference, since you don't talk. Fuck you.
*Sigh* I'm just rambling on like the troubled graduate I am. :D Don't think that diminishes the intensity of what I'm saying in the slightest.
One-Way Schizophrenic
It's so hard
to write about crying
when all you can think about
is baby seals dying,
your lyrics are messy
'cause you're making them dressy
instead of admitting
you're writing about crying.
Come out and say it
and then we can talk.
Until you do that
I'll continually balk.
to write about crying
when all you can think about
is baby seals dying,
your lyrics are messy
'cause you're making them dressy
instead of admitting
you're writing about crying.
Come out and say it
and then we can talk.
Until you do that
I'll continually balk.
I Am Online and You Can't See Meeee!
I am an anonymous user,
and although you might think me a loser,
remember that I am unlinked,
an island of thought in an Ethernet sink.
Tied to no webpage, nameless and scent-less,
nothing to find me, Face-less and Space-less,
friend-less and careless, blog-press of idleness,
strengthless and stabled by words in the darkness.
and although you might think me a loser,
remember that I am unlinked,
an island of thought in an Ethernet sink.
Tied to no webpage, nameless and scent-less,
nothing to find me, Face-less and Space-less,
friend-less and careless, blog-press of idleness,
strengthless and stabled by words in the darkness.
I Am Troilus
You know why my room's so clean?
It's 'cause I spend all my time in it.
Not alone in a house - alone in a cube of flat planes.
Six shining surfaces surrounding silver sightlines.
I live in my head, in my attic, and pretend it's full of fun.
No people, no animals, nothing but my dusty personals locked behind the door.
Books and games, some decades old, adorn crusty boxes,
strewn in loose collections 'cross the creaky floor.
A roll of the dice produces pangs of memory, easy and blue, happy and hard.
But the games ended long ago, and I stopped winning when I was five.
Momma used to say, "If music can drag you up and keep you down,
then don' listen to the bad and the sad."
Daddy used to say, "Son, if a woman can make you live, remember she can kill you too,"
like some Frankenstein mad scientist with their finger on the red button.
But I beat them all to the punch years ago.
I know my own punchline, and that ruins the joke:
Wed Queen Mab and fly, like the green fairy, away forever.
It's 'cause I spend all my time in it.
Not alone in a house - alone in a cube of flat planes.
Six shining surfaces surrounding silver sightlines.
I live in my head, in my attic, and pretend it's full of fun.
No people, no animals, nothing but my dusty personals locked behind the door.
Books and games, some decades old, adorn crusty boxes,
strewn in loose collections 'cross the creaky floor.
A roll of the dice produces pangs of memory, easy and blue, happy and hard.
But the games ended long ago, and I stopped winning when I was five.
Momma used to say, "If music can drag you up and keep you down,
then don' listen to the bad and the sad."
Daddy used to say, "Son, if a woman can make you live, remember she can kill you too,"
like some Frankenstein mad scientist with their finger on the red button.
But I beat them all to the punch years ago.
I know my own punchline, and that ruins the joke:
Wed Queen Mab and fly, like the green fairy, away forever.
Siren Wailing
I hate hearing you laugh.
IT's fake.
HE doesn't want you.
STOP trying so hard.
NOT everything he says is hilarious.
IF it is, you're ruining the joke.
DON'T make humor about puddles and mudbaths.
FUNNY is common.
CHUCKLES are common.
HAVING someone make you laugh is truly rare.
KEEP it that way, and stop messing up the show for everyone else.
IT's fake.
HE doesn't want you.
STOP trying so hard.
NOT everything he says is hilarious.
IF it is, you're ruining the joke.
DON'T make humor about puddles and mudbaths.
FUNNY is common.
CHUCKLES are common.
HAVING someone make you laugh is truly rare.
KEEP it that way, and stop messing up the show for everyone else.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sometimes I wish that people would do away with smiles, laughter, and feelings of ease to just confront the empty hole we're all filled up with. It makes me furious when people, including myself, use friends as distractions. And I hate to admit it to myself, but people who laugh at everything and everyone annoy me more than anyone else. Humoring someone because you're intimidated strikes me as a fallacy and a weakness. True friendships are those built on a foundation of two people's distinct individuality and sense of self, two concepts which I can't fathom existing outside of a self-centered or lonely sense of yourself.
Some branches of existentialist philosophy argue that loneliness is the heart of the human condition. Essentially, we are born alone, travel through life as individuals, and die alone, and facing this loneliness while learning to cope and thrive in spite of it is the testament of our species. The older I get (or maybe the more cynical I become; perhaps the two are linked) the more this strikes me as true.
Surrounding ourselves with friends and acquaintances is our way of putting off the darkness and, while important and worthy, it hits me more and more as trivial and worthless, as I spend more and more time every day contemplating my own sense of feeling alone in a crowd, sick of my vulnerability, while criticizing my futile attempts to reach out and connect with anyone and everyone.
Some branches of existentialist philosophy argue that loneliness is the heart of the human condition. Essentially, we are born alone, travel through life as individuals, and die alone, and facing this loneliness while learning to cope and thrive in spite of it is the testament of our species. The older I get (or maybe the more cynical I become; perhaps the two are linked) the more this strikes me as true.
Surrounding ourselves with friends and acquaintances is our way of putting off the darkness and, while important and worthy, it hits me more and more as trivial and worthless, as I spend more and more time every day contemplating my own sense of feeling alone in a crowd, sick of my vulnerability, while criticizing my futile attempts to reach out and connect with anyone and everyone.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Hello?
Nights like these
give poignant, new clarity
to vodka, pink floyd lyrics,
and Cary Grant's charm.
It's all about not feeling alone.
Part of the problem
is that you must learn how not
to hold yourself above
a night or two of forgetfulness,
and find solace in the arms of a stranger.
And then one day you'll find
you wake up and decide
that a vaporous face
is never as good
as an everlasting embrace.
give poignant, new clarity
to vodka, pink floyd lyrics,
and Cary Grant's charm.
It's all about not feeling alone.
Part of the problem
is that you must learn how not
to hold yourself above
a night or two of forgetfulness,
and find solace in the arms of a stranger.
And then one day you'll find
you wake up and decide
that a vaporous face
is never as good
as an everlasting embrace.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
What Happened To You?
Your body melting alongside my furnace,
our white heat a climax of raging stars;
a cacophony of breathy vowels swims in my head,
compounding the acrid, musky scent of our steaming skin.
White rain rises from pores like fog in the summer morning's shining sun,
a yellow light that rises to praise you,
again and again,
with all it's power.
An odious lover left this tiny scar beside the blade of your left arm.
It looks me in the eye like God over the darkness of his land.
I'll cast him out of your left blade,
dig a ditch and bury the broken remains of his body and mind
alongside his blackened, bloody heart,
and leave you free to love at leisure.
--pour H
our white heat a climax of raging stars;
a cacophony of breathy vowels swims in my head,
compounding the acrid, musky scent of our steaming skin.
White rain rises from pores like fog in the summer morning's shining sun,
a yellow light that rises to praise you,
again and again,
with all it's power.
An odious lover left this tiny scar beside the blade of your left arm.
It looks me in the eye like God over the darkness of his land.
I'll cast him out of your left blade,
dig a ditch and bury the broken remains of his body and mind
alongside his blackened, bloody heart,
and leave you free to love at leisure.
--pour H
Monday, October 15, 2007
Supergirl Love Affair
It's maddening that you will leave soon,
because the pain you fight is pain you're feeling too,
but in the scance of pain, no long walk in the rain
will allow me to get through to you.
Grinning teeth flashed as wide as the sky,
I swore I'd never ever ever met a bluer pair of eyes,
And I sure wish I could say you were mine,
I said "I sure wish that you could be mine,"
So before you go to battle your foes,
and leave another heart in your trail of woe,
just leave me a mote of worth in a note
then I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
I have the wildest dreams where we're up all night,
and you're pressing up against me in the candlelight,
while you're whispering to me softly how you'll love me all your life,
I wake up, and you're nowhere in sight.
With your hair put up in the cutest way,
You'd love me love me love me till the end of day,
And I sure wish I could say you were mine,
I said "I sure wish that you could be mine,"
So before you go to battle your foes,
and leave another heart in your trail of woe,
why don't you leave me a mote of worth in a note
and I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
I kept the old shirt that you'd wear at night,
when we'd climb into bed and turn out the light,
I look around at day to see what'll take this hole away,
'cause again you've spread your wings and taken flight.
So before you go to battle your foes,
and leave another heart in your trail of woe,
why don't you leave me a mote of worth in a note
and we'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
Yeah I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
because the pain you fight is pain you're feeling too,
but in the scance of pain, no long walk in the rain
will allow me to get through to you.
Grinning teeth flashed as wide as the sky,
I swore I'd never ever ever met a bluer pair of eyes,
And I sure wish I could say you were mine,
I said "I sure wish that you could be mine,"
So before you go to battle your foes,
and leave another heart in your trail of woe,
just leave me a mote of worth in a note
then I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
I have the wildest dreams where we're up all night,
and you're pressing up against me in the candlelight,
while you're whispering to me softly how you'll love me all your life,
I wake up, and you're nowhere in sight.
With your hair put up in the cutest way,
You'd love me love me love me till the end of day,
And I sure wish I could say you were mine,
I said "I sure wish that you could be mine,"
So before you go to battle your foes,
and leave another heart in your trail of woe,
why don't you leave me a mote of worth in a note
and I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
I kept the old shirt that you'd wear at night,
when we'd climb into bed and turn out the light,
I look around at day to see what'll take this hole away,
'cause again you've spread your wings and taken flight.
So before you go to battle your foes,
and leave another heart in your trail of woe,
why don't you leave me a mote of worth in a note
and we'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
Yeah I'll pretend you were more than a ghost.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
One-Person Show
Putting together ideas for a one-person show based around graduation and the culmination of my adolescense. For some reason, I can't stop listening to Kelly Sweet's cover of "Dream On" by Aerosmith. I've picked it out on piano (the original, modified my own adaptation) and I'm definitely using it for the end.
Why I Love Theater:
1) I can be anything.
2) I can do anything.
3) I will always be learning.
4) I will always be growing.
5) Theater makes an impact.
6) Theater forces you to consider drastically different opinions.
7) Theater meshes international culture.
8) There are more brilliant bursts of humanity in theater than other areas of life I've experienced.
Why I Love Theater:
1) I can be anything.
2) I can do anything.
3) I will always be learning.
4) I will always be growing.
5) Theater makes an impact.
6) Theater forces you to consider drastically different opinions.
7) Theater meshes international culture.
8) There are more brilliant bursts of humanity in theater than other areas of life I've experienced.
Leaving
You've made that first step, and now you're off;
life's next adventure!
Good friends you've had, good friends you'll keep,
and time will seperate the difference.
Grow to be all you desire. You are unlimited.
We will share our paths again.
Love,
Drew
--pour Maria
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Ack!
I just realized I don't write about anything happy! Or that I write from a negative lens! Those two things are kind of synonomous, right?!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Sick and Tired
I'm sick to death of my poetic ramblings. If you can't give me what I want, fine, but if you can't admit to yourself that you want it just as bad and more but are too scared to break things off with him, go fuck yourself. I'm not dealing with this shit anymore. I'm just hanging on by the fingertips here and wasting all my strength trying to climb back up the impossible hill to your heart, while you're having the time of your life. How can I feel good about anything when you're having such a good time? I'm afraid that doing the smallest thing will ruin your fun. You're a big girl. I love you. You can do a million things and you'll always be smiling while you do them. It's not fair that I had to meet you right now. I'm always going to regret not having you as a friend, being incapable of refusing deeper emotions. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way I want you in every way. I can't do it if you're keeping him around. I won't do this anymore. I want the best for you and can't figure out how to play my part. You haven't given me an idea of where I stand, and as much as I hate you for it I'm still willing to let it slide. Fuck that. I'm sick of playing dead. We're too good for this.
What's This?
I think, and the butterflies begin their dance.
Softly fluttering out of sleep, they move their wings in a gentle, inward breeze.
I feel their trepidation and respond; the drum (doom-DOOM, doom-DOOM) beats faster;
an unaccompanied double-stroke against my sternum.
They begin their dance, a frenzied flurry, unsolicited by my worry.
They charge the open air inside the gut and spill their bodies 'cross the sands against my tongue,
and what you hear is garbage, not the "I love you" that will never come.
I'm scared to make you feel worse.
Your "knight in shining armor" awaits you, my lady,
back at his palace, where the Warcraft waits,
and he will sit, alone, and let you stir
when all you want is to have him by your side.
I cannot say I am a better man; I value myself against other men
and measure praise and folly by their merits.
But these wasted words hurt more than I can bear,
though I cannot bring myself to cease their flow.
Perhaps tomorrow, I will find a better view.
No longer will I have to look at you.
I won't have to be the touchy-feely guy,
though I play him off like he's not really there,
and then I can let you go back to your Marcus,
a man I've never met, but a man I'm sure to dislike,
regardless of whether he's naughty or nice
I'll just think you deserve better.
--pour Maria
Softly fluttering out of sleep, they move their wings in a gentle, inward breeze.
I feel their trepidation and respond; the drum (doom-DOOM, doom-DOOM) beats faster;
an unaccompanied double-stroke against my sternum.
They begin their dance, a frenzied flurry, unsolicited by my worry.
They charge the open air inside the gut and spill their bodies 'cross the sands against my tongue,
and what you hear is garbage, not the "I love you" that will never come.
I'm scared to make you feel worse.
Your "knight in shining armor" awaits you, my lady,
back at his palace, where the Warcraft waits,
and he will sit, alone, and let you stir
when all you want is to have him by your side.
I cannot say I am a better man; I value myself against other men
and measure praise and folly by their merits.
But these wasted words hurt more than I can bear,
though I cannot bring myself to cease their flow.
Perhaps tomorrow, I will find a better view.
No longer will I have to look at you.
I won't have to be the touchy-feely guy,
though I play him off like he's not really there,
and then I can let you go back to your Marcus,
a man I've never met, but a man I'm sure to dislike,
regardless of whether he's naughty or nice
I'll just think you deserve better.
--pour Maria
Saturday, March 24, 2007
A Children's Game
One, two, three, four, five;
here I come!
Our game of hide-and-seek is at an end.
You've made a choice and gone with him instead.
An unconsecrated union cut by truer love?
Or a game of 'stimulate me, please'?
Our scoreboard flashed "You = 1, Me = 0" in my head.
One, two, three, four, five;
here I come!
Hands reaching for your face, indulging in
one last fantasy where you might be mine,
I run until the breath has left my lungs,
until my bare feet ache from the sharp rocks
I have endured since first I lay my eyes
upon you.
One...
two...
three...
...
...
...and now you've hid, forever lost to me.
--pour Maria
here I come!
Our game of hide-and-seek is at an end.
You've made a choice and gone with him instead.
An unconsecrated union cut by truer love?
Or a game of 'stimulate me, please'?
Our scoreboard flashed "You = 1, Me = 0" in my head.
One, two, three, four, five;
here I come!
Hands reaching for your face, indulging in
one last fantasy where you might be mine,
I run until the breath has left my lungs,
until my bare feet ache from the sharp rocks
I have endured since first I lay my eyes
upon you.
One...
two...
three...
...
...
...and now you've hid, forever lost to me.
--pour Maria
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